two &a

half cigarettes &coffee. i gotta, just gotta. don't tell me the worst i ever had. i thought of something clever to say, but you were too far away, i just couldn't get out of bed. i don't want to, i gotta. the secrets i hold inside, does it show on the outside? he brushes his teeth in the living room, always in such a rush. cleaning up her mess, she figures out where to go. jimi hendrix, followed by her favorite seventies band. lip syncing, singing so loudly. hammering, stammering. i hate this disorder as much as his rapid change. my moving on has no counter balance. i was depending on something i never knew. he said, you're so afraid. i looked at the moon. my stomach aches, such an allergic reaction. lithium, you did what you had to, i'll follow you there. don't let me down, i beg. i'll do anything. maybe i am just another cliché, no one remembers their first day. maybe we are all the same. love can see. love lives for hate is blind. i can't stop this, i gotta. my head hurts, it's not the same. i woke up this morning. checked the voicemail. they just want my soul. i barely have enough for me. i wish they would just go away. can't they see? i'm stuck in my own box. help yourself, i tried to help you &you only want more. pity me for a moment. i couldn't finish it, flushed it, washed my hands, brushed my teeth in the living room. i simply gotta. coffee's getting cold.