November 1, 2008 2am

halfway
i woke up in the middle of the night feeling rather disillusioned. the nightmare ended with me flying over a seemingly infinite chainlink gate and falling to the ground without a single scratch. this angered my father and i believe that was the point my eyelids flickered open. it took me a minute to realize the time was much earlier than expected. i hurried into the kitchen in hunger and made a sandwich. as i applied the condiments, a tiny cockroach scurried across the countertop. disgusted, but not enough to kill, i carried the sandwich to my bedroom in total darkness where i immediately scarfed it down. i didn't want to spill jelly anywhere and i was apparently starving. i walked over to my desk and gulped the remainder of the apple juice i'd poured at bedtime.
then i regressed; but only for a moment.
then i continued to harass myself with the same worries that consistenly haunt me to do so. i ached for a better life, free from distress and confusion. i wondered why it took a nightmare to open my eyes, why my head couldn't be this clear before; how the future of the world could seem so foreign. i wondered and wondered. then i settled and lay back down to sleep until something more substantial came my way.